Locktober Reflection #16

Today is a special day, because after many months of planning and thinking it through, I finally launched my new live conversation series The CageTalks on X. For quite some time now, I’ve had the wish to connect and interact with the community on a more personal level – and today it finally happened. My first guest was none other than KD, the founder and owner of KINK3D, with whom I talked about all kinds of topics related to chastity.

During our conversation, one theme came up again – and coincidentally, it’s also the main topic of today’s reflection: feeling safe inside your cage.

The truth is, my chastity cage has become such a fixed part of me that it feels like it’s almost part of my body – even if that might sound strange to some. Along with that comes a deep sense of safety whenever I’m wearing it. It’s almost as if it triggers a different mindset in me, a different attitude. As long as I’m locked, I feel like nothing can harm me. I’m protected. I can focus. I’m no longer at the mercy of my impulses.

At the same time, though, this also means that when I don’t wear my cage, I feel like something is missing. I feel exposed – deeply vulnerable, even. Of course, that vulnerability can also be part of the appeal for a Dom, Sir, or Master, because it means there’s nothing left between us – nothing I could hide. Without my cage, a superior male gets me in my rawest, most authentic submissive form: no masks, no roles, no protection.

And yet, those moments of vulnerability can also teach me something important: how to trust someone else more and more. To be truly defenseless means I can’t hide anything – instead, I have to open myself completely.

Of course, that kind of openness shouldn’t happen lightly. And perhaps that’s why I’ve always struggled with the idea of having a keyholder or owner. So far, I haven’t met someone who truly felt like a good match – someone who’s on the same wavelength, shares similar values, and with whom there’s a real sense of mutual understanding.

On top of that, after so many years of being self-locked, I’m probably not the easiest person to “take on.” By now, I’ve established my routines, created my own rules, and I know what I want – and what I don’t. Some potential keyholders have even felt like they’re not really needed, and to be honest… they’re not entirely wrong.

My discipline and self-understanding have become so strong that, at least for now, I don’t feel like I need an external figure of control. In a way, my cage itself now fills that role. It keeps me grounded, shows me the path, and reins me in when my impulses try to run wild.

And maybe that’s the most beautiful part of being self-locked: it creates so much space — for development, for awareness, for growth – on so many levels. At that point, the cage is no longer a burden. Instead, it becomes a companion, a mentor, and in some ways, even a guide. And that’s exactly what I love about it: it doesn’t just help me stay abstinent and chaste – it helps me discover and embrace my truest self.

And maybe that’s what chastity is really about in the end – not just restraint, but revelation.