Locktober Reflection #14

Last Friday was World Mental Health Day — and it reminded me how deeply my chastity journey has been connected to healing and mental well-being. Because for me, chastity has never been just about control or kink. Over time, it’s become a deeply healing practice – one that has helped me rebuild and reconnect with myself in ways I never expected.

To explain what I mean, I want to share a little bit about how I first came to chastity, and how integrating it into my daily life has had numerous positive effects on me – setting several important personal development processes in motion.

Even though I bought my first chastity device almost fifteen years ago, it wasn’t until 2023 that I felt truly at peace with the concept – and equipped with the right devices – to fully embrace a life in chastity.

It all started about two or three years ago, during the pandemic. With so much extra time on my hands, I revisited some of my older interests and fetishes that had been dormant for a while. Through my passion for hypnosis (which, by the way, combines beautifully with wearing a cage), I came into contact with several Masters – and, in turn, with the topic of chastity again.

Back in my student days, I’d had some pretty bad experiences with the devices that were available then, but now I could see that technological development – especially 3D printing – had made enormous progress since the early 2000s. That gave me the confidence to invest again and buy new cages after many years.

I should also say that at that time, I was deeply unhappy. The pandemic had taken a heavy toll on me – isolating me from friends, straining relationships, and even causing a few painful breakups. As someone who’s naturally social and outgoing, this left me feeling lonely and adrift. That inner struggle soon showed up physically too: I coped with stress by eating too much sugar, gained weight, and felt increasingly frustrated with my lack of discipline. (I already talked a bit about this in my Day #9 reflection!)

It was in this low period that chastity unexpectedly returned to my life. Through a series of coincidences, I met several hypnotists – thanks to the interest I had developed during the pandemic – who saw something in me I couldn’t yet see myself. They were willing to work with me regularly, and that made a huge difference.

Two people, in particular, had a profound impact on me and deserve special mention here. The first was my first long-term hypnotist, DomGayHypnotist, who showed me for the very first time what it truly means to let go completely and to reach a state I would now describe as True Submission. The second was my “Coach” Sol, whom regular readers of my blog will already know. He helped me integrate the concept of True Submission into my everyday life.

Which brings me back to chastity itself. Because if there’s one thing that, for me, is an absolute prerequisite for True Submission, it’s being locked. Over time, I learned that my cages give me security and orientation – they remind me who I am and where I stand within the dynamic. They’ve helped me see my life differently and understand what truly fulfills me erotically and sexually.

Through that, I also came to realize that as a submissive partner, my role is not only to satisfy the needs of the dominant side – as I had previously believed – but that True Submission can only unfold fully when it’s built on mutual trust and on an awareness of my own erotic and sexual connection. The American poet, essayist, and activist Audre Lorde (1934–1992) put it beautifully:

“For the erotic is not a question only of what we do; it is a question of how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing.”

And that is precisely where I see the healing potential that chastity has had for me. It taught me not to ignore my own needs so much. I began to speak up more – in all areas of life – when something didn’t feel right, and I was able to develop a more harmonious, authentic, and, above all, fulfilling perspective on life.

I haven’t yet reached the final stage of True Submission – complete surrender to a Dom or Master. But for now, I’m deeply content exactly where I am, enjoying my life in chastity to the fullest. And perhaps that’s what healing really is: not racing toward the next stage, but embracing the present moment with trust – and knowing that when the next step comes, I’ll be ready to take it.