Locktober Reflection #15

Admittedly, the chastity lifestyle can sometimes come with frustration and disappointment. So today, at the halfway mark of this year’s Locktober – the “Bergfest,” as we say in German – I want to reflect on how to best deal with those moments.

First of all, no one should ever feel bad if things in their locked life don’t always go according to plan. In the years I’ve now lived permanently locked, I’ve had my fair share of highs and lows… and yes, moments of annoyance and discouragement too.

For many – myself included – one of the first big hurdles is wearing the cage overnight. I still remember those first weeks vividly: I barely managed two or three hours of sleep per night, constantly woke up, had erections (as much as that’s even possible), had to use the bathroom, tossed and turned. It was frustrating. There were even nights when I removed the cage in the middle of the night because the pressure and pain became too much. Was I frustrated? Absolutely. Did I let it defeat me? Definitely not.

If you’re working toward wearing your cage truly 24/7 – including while sleeping – you’ll need one thing above all: patience. Take it step by step. Choose days (like weekends) when you don’t have early obligations, or try taking short naps while locked during the day to help your body adjust to its new “accessory.” There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. For some, overnight wear may never feel right – and that’s completely fine. In my opinion, even those who remove their cage before bed and put it back on in the morning absolutely belong to the “permanent” category. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Another common source of frustration I see often – and one I struggled with myself – is the topic of keyholders and ownership. In the beginning, I believed that without a keyholder, Dom, Sir, or Master, I was worth less than others. Some even tried to convince me I wasn’t “really” practicing chastity if I still had access to my own key.

It would be easy to assume that this constant access would tempt me to unlock and touch myself. Interestingly, the opposite is true. By now, my cage has become such a core part of me that every time a superior male has removed it in the past two years, I immediately felt more vulnerable and incomplete – as if a part of me that provides safety, security, and comfort had been taken away.

Of course, that vulnerability is part of the appeal for a Dom or Master, as I’m fully exposed before them. But in everyday life, it means I have no desire to remove my cage. In fact, I’m currently very content as a self-locked boi. Who knows – maybe that will change one day. You never know.

A third and frequent source of frustration is denial itself – and the self-imposed lack of release. Especially during Locktober, this can cause an emotional roller coaster. You feel the pressure building but want to hold out. Maybe you even succeed – until the arousal becomes overwhelming, you decide to “just stimulate a little,” and suddenly… it’s over, and the juice flows.

Don’t worry: it happens to all of us. Some even experience it in their sleep through wet dreams – it happened to me twice this year for the first time in my life (which is wild, considering it never happened in the 42 years before chastity).

Here too, the same rule applies: we all make mistakes. Accidents happen. What matters is that you don’t let them discourage you. If something doesn’t go according to plan – so what? Reflect on what happened, adjust your approach, and try again. Chastity is a kink that invites long-term engagement, experimentation, and personal growth.

In fact, it’s often these moments of frustration that teach us the most – they’re the ones that help us grow and keep evolving. I never see chastity as a sprint, where the goal is simply to reach the finish line first and then collapse in exhaustion. It’s more like a marathon: you don’t spend all your energy at the start, you don’t get thrown off course by obstacles, and you keep your eyes on the bigger goal – pacing yourself so that, with every step, you move closer to where you want to be.

In the end, chastity isn’t about how perfectly you do it – it’s about who you become along the way. Every frustration is a stepping stone, every mistake a teacher. And with each step, you move closer not just to your kink goals, but to a deeper understanding of discipline, desire, and yourself.