Locktober Reflection #17

In today’s reflection, I want to explore the topic of obedience more deeply. The thought came to me on my way home from work, sitting on a train next to a family of four. Although very little was said between them, it quickly became clear that the father was the one in charge: stern looks, short commands, a tone that allowed no contradiction – and a raised eyebrow whenever one of the daughters dared to talk back. The scene left me with an uneasy feeling and made me think about my own relationship with obedience.

Even before chastity became part of my life, my first steps into the fetish and kink scene were driven by curiosity about D/s dynamics. For as long as I can remember, even in “vanilla” relationships, I’ve always seen and felt myself as the submissive partner. I quickly realized how much I was drawn to people who radiated strength, wisdom, and maybe even a hint of superiority.

And yet, what I longed for so deeply often didn’t manifest in the way I experienced it with different Masters, Sirs, or Tops. Too often, I felt merely ordered around – sometimes even humiliated – rather than guided. That left me thinking: Was my own will simply too strong? Was I too resistant to fully surrender? Did I, as they sometimes said during acting training, need to be “broken” more before I could truly give up control? I was confused – and at times, even a little desperate.

Fortunately, I eventually met DomGayHypnotist, a hypnotist I “worked” with repeatedly over a longer period of time. Looking back now, I realize that he helped shape my entire understanding of what a healthy D/s dynamic should be.

Since then, trust has become the cornerstone of submission for me. Only if I truly trust the person across from me – dominant or not – can I fully let go and surrender. It also requires a deep understanding on both sides of erotic and sexual preferences: not only in relation to myself, but also in connection with the dominant partner.

From that point on, it was no longer about simply functioning or mechanically following instructions. What mattered to me was a real, authentic connection — both to my own desires (so I could understand what truly arouses, satisfies, and fulfills me) and to the dominant partner. My goal became to engage so deeply with them that obedience transformed into true submission. Only then does a real symbiosis between leading and following emerge – one that isn’t governed by logic, but deeply felt and ultimately intuitive. It becomes a state of harmony and balance.

Some might find that idea unusual, maybe even a little esoteric. But for me, this form of surrender – this connection – is far more fulfilling and arousing than mere obedience. (Though the latter can, of course, be a stepping stone toward deeper submission.)

What I seek in every form of intimacy and sexual contact is the ability to be vulnerable, authentic, and present – truly with the other person in the moment. That’s also why I struggle to respond to demands for obedience when the situation feels too scripted or artificial. Too often, it starts to feel like I’m playing a role in someone else’s fantasy, losing sight of the real person behind the Dom persona – and with it, the connection to their authentic self.

My wish has always been to experience true submission, as I did in certain hypnosis sessions with DomGayHypnotist and a few others. Those experiences didn’t need scripted commands or rehearsed phrases. Instead, they required trust, mutual openness, and a shared presence in the here and now – free of expectations, pre-agreed plans, or structured programs. That’s when I experienced the most intense, surprising, and profound sessions.

So, what does all of this have to do with chastity? For me, the key word is authenticity. In the early days, I only wore my cage during specific sessions. I took it off when I left the house and didn’t sleep in it. It always felt like I was oscillating between two versions of myself: the “locked boi” and the “normal person.” At some point, that duality wasn’t enough anymore. As I’ve described before, the desire to make chastity a lifestyle – not just a temporary kink – grew too strong, and I gave in.

The liberation that came with that decision was indescribable. I felt like I had finally come home to myself – like I’d found what I had always been searching for. In a way, I was no longer obedient just because someone told me to wear a cage. Instead, I chose to fully surrender to this lifestyle and embrace what I had always longed for deep down.

Looking back, I realize that my willingness to obey my hypnotists – to trust their guidance and let them convince me that chastity was the right path – became something much deeper. What began as simply following a command slowly transformed into surrender, and eventually into true submission. And that, in turn, opened the door to an entirely new way of living – and to a deeper understanding of myself that had always been there, waiting to emerge.

Perhaps that’s the real beauty of this journey: that obedience, when rooted in trust and authenticity, can evolve into something far more profound – not a mere reaction to someone else’s will, but a deliberate act of surrender. And in that surrender, we don’t lose ourselves – we find ourselves more deeply than ever before.