Locktober Reflection #21
When I decided more than a year and a half ago to stop viewing chastity as just a kink and instead make it something that would become an integral part of my everyday life, it marked a major turning point. Looking back now, I realize that this choice required me to let go of certain things – and, in some areas, to begin again – so that I could truly come to peace with myself and this new way of living. That’s why today’s reflection is about the art of letting go.
Throughout the day, I found myself thinking about that phrase a lot, and, to be honest, it took me several attempts before my thoughts found their way into words. So many ideas came rushing in – memories, attempts to categorize and make sense of things – that I struggled to find clarity at first.
When I think back to the time when I first started wearing my cage outside the safety of my home – at the grocery store, at work, later even at the gym – I now see that as the closing of an old chapter and the beginning of a new sense of self. But that visible step was preceded by many months of reflection, where I returned again and again to my desire for structure, for surrender, and for expressing that through chastity.
think this impulse – the longing for guidance, for control, for surrender – was always a part of me. I’ve always felt an almost magnetic pull toward men who carried a certain strength, wisdom, and quiet dominance. Even in “vanilla” relationships, that energy captivated me deeply. Yet for a long time, I found it difficult to fully acknowledge this part of myself. Even with the occasional foray into the BDSM scene, I hesitated to accept what it truly meant for me.
That began to change over the past three years. Through exploring hypnosis and chastity more deeply – and through the support of people who took me under their wing – I gained a new perspective on BDSM. I started to understand what my own erotic needs truly were, and what genuine submission could mean within a D/s dynamic.
I now see these experiences as a vital part of how I live chastity today. In the beginning, I often felt like an outsider in the kink community. Much of what I saw online fascinated me, yet it rarely reflected who I truly was or how I experienced submission. I had to unlearn the stereotypes and expectations – both from others and from myself – about what a sub or locked boi “should” be. My first step toward authenticity was simply learning to accept myself as I already was.
This growing self-acceptance helped me embrace my submissive side more fully. The more natural wearing my cage became, the more incomplete I felt without it. Over time, my fear of how others might react – especially in places like the gym – slowly faded. In its place came a quiet confidence, even a small sense of pride, in having found my path as a locked boi.
When I finally began to open up to close friends about it, it felt almost like a second coming out – another moment of standing in my truth. It brought back memories of my younger years, when I hid my sexuality out of fear. I knew I didn’t want to return to that kind of hiding ever again.
Looking back, I realize that this conscious act of letting go was essential – not only for understanding myself more deeply, but also for discovering what truly defines me as a freely locked chastity boi. Without that process, I doubt I would have developed the awareness, courage, and calm confidence needed to live this way.
The fact that I’ve done all this without a keyholder, Sir, Master, or Mistress – and have never once questioned my path – reminds me how completely I’ve come home to myself. As Thich Nhat Hanh so wisely said, “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness.”