Locktober Reflection #28

Over the past few days, I’ve noticed my sexual desire steadily increasing – to the point that it’s been clouding my thoughts and testing my patience. Especially last night, it hit me with an intensity I hadn’t felt in a long time – deep, powerful, and almost painfully consuming.

Before going to bed, I felt a strong urge to wear one of my plugs overnight – something I hadn’t done in quite a while. It isn’t particularly large and usually lets me fall asleep quite easily. But not last night. I woke up several times, feeling pressure and tension in my cage, and caught myself absent-mindedly sliding my fingers to the plug – gently, slowly pulling it out and pushing it back in again.

Don’t worry – I stayed in control and managed to stop before things went any further, focusing instead on calming down and trying to fall back asleep. Still, I can tell I’m more easily aroused these days, and that the 44 days of total denial are beginning to take their toll.

For context: my last orgasm was on September 14 during a suspension with my dear friend and rigger Male Shibari — a moment I remember as a gift, as I always like to call them. Of course, I didn’t know then that it would be far longer than a month before I’d be granted the next one.

And while I’ve generally adapted well to living permanently locked – it’s been over a year and a half now – I can feel that my longing for intimacy, for touch, for the smallest trace of stimulation keeps growing day by day.

Thinking about it more deeply while writing this, I’ve realized that this heightened arousal might also explain why I’ve recently been craving sweets and snacks much more than usual. Maybe it’s a form of compensation – or as people like to say, stress eating. Either way, I notice it’s been harder for me to stay consistent and disciplined with my habits lately.

Of course, I still stick to my rules, my workouts, and morning routines. But internally, I feel more distracted – my body more restless, my mind more easily unsettled. Whether that’s entirely due to chastity or not, I can’t say for sure. But the connection seems likely.

So right now, I’m simply trying to find a good balance – because while I genuinely enjoy this slow-burning, ever-building sense of arousal, I also hold myself to a standard. As the good boi I always strive to be, I’m determined to stay locked, denied, and devoted until the end of Locktober.

The final stretch of this challenge – and yes, it truly feels like one – will be about grounding myself, giving in to small temptations now and then, but never letting things go too far. I’m usually good at that, but lately, I can feel just how much is stirring inside me.

Perhaps that’s simply because Locktober itself is such an intense month for our community. Normally, I don’t spend this much time on social media – some days, I even take a complete break. But right now, there’s just so much happening. Between writing these daily reflections, catching up on posts, and trying to reply to as many DMs as I can, I’m online far more than I’d usually like to be.

Another reason might be the conversation I recently had with a Dom I’m in regular contact with. He’s hinted at a possible release on November 1. Whether that will actually happen remains to be seen — it could easily change depending on the mood or the moment. Still, the thought of it – this potential reward – fills me with a nervous kind of excitement.

Until then, though, I know I have to keep myself grounded and manage my impulses. One of the strategies I’m planning to use is breathing – especially the 4–7–8 technique: inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. It helps me reconnect with my body and usually find calm again.

Whether that alone will be enough, I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll still feel restless and aching – but that’s okay. Chastity isn’t about silence; it’s about learning to live with the craving noise, to breathe through the wanting, and to trust that what feels heavy today might turn into strength tomorrow.